Why must certain people whom one has turned down keep trying to win over him/her? What does this person think s/he will accomplish? Not only is this constant pestering a nuisance, it also ruins friendships, for those who were companions before the displays of affection.
I’m sure plenty of people have been in this situation. Either one has declined a dinner date or a number exchange with a new admirer, or s/he has made it clear that a friend will remain a comrade and only a comrade. However, some suitors just don’t lose hope. Why is that? S/he doesn’t want to face the facts. Their object of their desire is much too appealing from whom to turn away.
While this opinion is flattering to the person being pursued, it is also annoying. There are things that rank higher on the “to-do” list than “dealing with a needy nag”. Moreover, when this desperate pursuit is initiated by someone whom one has befriended, it is even worse. If one had just accepted that his/her friend doesn’t want to begin romantic relations with him/her, then the two could continue being pals. But when a friend insists on furthering a relationship with an uninterested companion, the latter person may need distance from the former.
This is when the destruction of companionships occur. In some instances, the determined wooer does not want to have any contact with his/her love interest unless they enter a non-platonic relationship. In other cases, the pair’s comradeship remains intact. However, there is often a great deal of flirting –usually one-sided flirting – when this last option takes place. In addition, once the person being chased enters a long-term relationship, relations can get awkward with the affectionate buddy. In fact, it may be necessary for the newly-taken individual to cut ties with their old pal. Other times, his/her friend might only require a few reminders to quit their doting ways. Luckily for a fraction of people, their enthusiasts may respect their relationships and give up their pestering immediately.
My advice to people who are being chased by others who don’t get the message that they aren’t interested: Ignore them. At first, your lover may continue pursuing you, wondering if you are deliberately ignoring him/her, if you are busy, or if you are playing hard to get. However, they will eventually stop. Even though this may take a while to end, do not speak to them. Talking to the person who is constantly on your tail will only give them hope. Even if you tell this type of individual repeatedly that you don’t see him/her as you romantic partner, s/he will most likely feel they have a chance to convince you of being their mate. Thus, the most effective solution to this dilemma is to cease speaking to the tireless chaser, however, I advise one to only take this route if s/he is planning to cut all contact with their stubborn pursuer.
Image courtesy of Diezel Photography (www.DiezelPhotography.com)
Don’t you just love it when you’re completely joyful with a significant other, whom you’ve been dating for a while, and then they state the most awful opinion you’ve ever heard? It’s not the fact that the two of you have contrasting perspectives that upsets you, it’s something else; something in the heart of their argument hints at your lover’s very nature. For instance, a couple could be convinced that they are meant for each other, but it turns out that one disregards animals’ rights, while the other supports them. This issue may seem trivial at first, but the animals’ rights activist may be bothered by her other half’s indifference towards something which she values greatly. Also, she may wonder if her mate is selfish and cold by nature.
Such clashes could be fatal to a relationship, but not all of them are. Obviously a pair is not going to agree on all things. The key is determining what differences you can tolerate, and what differences you find unacceptable. Differences in morals or values can inspire one to part from a partner, but insignificant details can actually make a relationship more exciting. For instance, having different interests can actually spice up a companionship; one may be more inclined to partake in new activities which they may find exciting, or being different from each other may create an attraction between a duo.
The moral here is not to let an unexpected outburst stir you to action – at least, not immediately. One must weigh the pros and cons of being with a lover before ending a romance with him or her. However, if a clash in beliefs or values is really upsetting to someone, then perhaps this difference makes ending a relationship worthwhile. After all, there are other people in the world who will share your morals, allowing you to connect on a deeper level. In addition, if you choose to have children with this person in the future, you will most likely agree on most aspects of how to raise your kids. For example, you may want to instil particular ethical standards in them, and discipline them a certain way. This is part of what makes discovering a partner who is compatible with oneself essential to a healthy relationship.
You’ve been there or seen it. I’ve been there myself. Sometimes, two people aren’t just friends.
Sometimes a friendship can be a cover for romantic interest. Or maybe the interest develops in time, within the framework of the friendship. Regardless of how it starts, there are some important things to keep in mind, whether you’re the one interested or the object of interest.
1. It might not be a big deal. Sometimes the attraction will go away in time, or a new relationship will enter the picture and displace the attraction. If that happens, you don’t even need to talk about it! But sometimes the desire for romance doesn’t fade, or new relationships don’t soak up the interest (or maybe even happen at all), in which case action is required.
2. Make your feelings known. If you’re the one with interest, show it. Maybe that means a surprise romantic gesture, or maybe it means having a conversation with your friend and disclosing your true feelings. If you’re on the receiving end of the interest, make it clear that you’re only interested in friendship. And if you’re pretty sure that your friend is interested and you know that you aren’t, you’re not off the hook: make sure they know that nothing is going to happen.
3. Give it time. If you’ve both been honest and you both know how you feel, let things settle. Maybe they move in one direction or the other, but you shouldn’t be in any rush or try to force things. If things stay the same, though, you have to be prepared for the final step.
4. Walk away. Sometimes two people just aren’t quite compatible, and keeping the friendship alive ends up doing you both a disservice. This is especially important if you’re the one harboring romantic interest: if you’ve tried to move things in a non-platonic direction and it hasn’t worked, you will probably just end up hurting yourself. The friendly intimacy will help you to fool yourself into thinking that you’re close to a relationship when you really aren’t.
I was part of a great friendship, a friendship that lasted for many years, but most of the time, if I wasn’t with another girl, I wanted to be dating my friend. We talked about it a few times, and each time she made it clear that she wasn’t interested in me that way. Unfortunately, my feelings for her didn’t change, nor did hers for me, and we had to go our separate ways.
There are friendships with undercurrents of attraction all the time, and not all of them require direct action, but if the issue becomes too intense or lingers for too long, both parties owe it to themselves and to each other to work things out. There’s no need to be masochistic by deluding yourself into thinking you have a chance with someone when you really don’t. Be honest with yourself and with your friend, and things will end up alright.
Tags: Advice
Once again, eHarmony.ca is offering their free week offer from Thursday (today) to Monday! Communicate free and connect with hundreds of other users looking to find their compatible match. Unlike other dating services, eHarmony’s system uses personality metrics within their system (it’s like 50+ questions about you) that every member needs to answer. The results are calculated within the system and a match is found.
Why not give it a try? There’ll be thousands more people logging on for the next few days to take advantage of the promotion which increases your chance of finding that match!
Check out eHarmony.ca for more details, good luck!
Tags: eHarmony, free, valentines
Hey readers, found out about a new book coming out that you may be interested in. It’s called Stories from our Black Books. There’s also a release party coming out on the 11th (three days from today) if you’d like to drop in and check out the party at the Libra Lounge (see below for details). What’s cool about this book is that it features REAL STORIES, not those fantasy made up fiction that you can read in the grocery store. The book is also on its second volume, so if you liked this one, be sure to check out the first volume too. Here’s a few notes about the book:
THE BOOK – All Your Juiciest Stories
It all started with a book! Back in 2004 my girl Carissa started collecting stories from women across North America about the men in and
out of their lives. After only a matter of weeks, hundreds of stories had been submitted and Carissa’s lovely face was seen in papers and on
televisions all over Canada! Buy the book online! What can I say girls, IT WAS A HIT! With a 500+ person launch party and
a couple thousand copies of The Book sold within weeks of its release,
Stories From Our Black Books was born!
The Book is a compilation of the juiciest, the most moving, the funniest
and the most influential stories that you’ve submitted! Our new version
of The Book is scheduled to launch February 14th, 2010, you don’t want
to miss getting your copy. We are still collecting stories now! Don’t
hesitate! Click on My Black Book and start submitting your stories
today! They may just be part of the next edition.
Flirt With Me – Submit a Story! www.storiesfromourblackbooks.com.
—————————————————-
Here’s more information about the book party release:
Tags: Advice, Black book, books
We all have our insecurities. That’s why it may boggle some of us when a love interest spends the majority of a date sending text messages, while we do all the talking. However, there is likely no need to worry.
In addition to non-stop texting, these are just some of the dating behaviours I have experienced while on dates with men who allegedly were very interested in me:
-Ogling the profiles of females nearby;
-Not acknowledging my comments throughout a movie;
-Cancelling of a birthday dinner (that I was prepared to splurge on), because he was too tired;
-Watching him smile as girls flirted with him, although he turned them down; and
-Him suggesting that we spend time with one of his companions, who is also a woman, on a third date.
While I regarded these behaviours as disrespectful, and some or all of them probably were, each of these flings managed to turn into long-term relationships. Thus, I feel that as daters, we shouldn’t read into signs too much. Not to mention, while on the dating scene, no one is completely committed to us, nor are we to them. Therefore, one should not be offended that another person is not showing him or her devotion until the two enter a meaningful relationship. However, if a date’s behaviour is completely off-putting to someone, then that person is entitled to end romantic relations with the culprit.
There are, of course, particular cases where rude or unusual behaviour may be an indication of a person’s character. For instance, some signals may be clues that a person is untrustworthy, and other signs may hint that a person won’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated. There are clear-cut signs and there are vague ones. Sometimes, there are none at all. Whatever the case, one will not know how a person will act during a relationship unless they experience a relationship with him or her. That’s why the concept of breakups exists. Thus, I feel it is important for one to put their insecurities aside when dating. Enjoy the experience. Whatever the outcome, the process was amusing and made us feel desirable.
Tags: Advice
Whatever state of singlism you are in: old and rusty, recently broken up, or an eager beaver; February gives you the opportunity to expand your horizons, meet new people, and hopefully create new sparks that captivate your eye.
We have a great party that’s upcoming that can give you a great opportunity to put some sparkle back into your dating life!
TorontoSpeedDate.com on February 11th is hosting a pre-Valentines bash in the downtown core.
Event: Pre- Valentines day bash
Where: Dazzling Restaurant 291 King Street West, Toronto Ontario
When: Feb 11th Ages 22-35 All proceeds will be going to support the Haitian Relief effort. You can expect great people, a good time, and a chance to win some prizes!
Go to TorontoSpeedDate.com to register now! Feb 11th is only a couple days away!
This is the last of the excerpt from the Fresh Breath doc’s article about “We are what we eat”. If you’d like to learn more about fresh breath, check out: www.Freshbreath.ca for more information!
“Many of the nutrients present in our foods are developed from raw materials found in the soil where the food is grown. When the fruit or vegetable is harvested also determines the amount of nutrients present since the nutrient density develops with growth. Unfortunately, many of our products are grown in soil that has been overused. As well, in order to reach the grocery stores in edible condition, many fruits are harvested before they ripen. These conditions decrease the nutrients that are available to the consumer.
Supplementation of nutrients may be necessary when the person does not consume the full required intake of 5 to 10 servings of fruits and vegetables per day. It may also be needed during the winter seasons when local sun-ripened products are not available and our fruits and vegetables are imported from other countries and thus may be picked before all the nutrients are fully developed.”
Tags: bad breath, fresh breath, tips
Everyone hits a point where things aren’t going well, and your best efforts haven’t been good enough. This can happen in any area of life, but it’s especially personal in romance. If you’re involved, maybe things aren’t going well. If you’re single, maybe you haven’t had a date or sex or a good conversation with someone in a while, and everything you’ve tried has turned to ash.
The temptation is to pout about it to yourself and the people close to you, and expect the whole world to devote its energies to rectifying the situation.
That usually doesn’t help.
It’s important to keep yourself positive when things aren’t going well. This doesn’t mean ignoring the bad things, but rather keeping them in context. Let’s look at an example.
Let’s imagine that a guy named Ray gets dumped. He spends some time brooding about it, but after a while he decides that he should go out and meet some women, and maybe find someone he likes spending time with. After six months, though, he’s had no success. He hasn’t gotten so much as a phone number.
He spends his time whining to his friends about how the women in this city are stuck up, or how he has no luck, or how it’s all just a stupid game. How do his friends react?
Most of them probably get less interested the more they hear. Maybe they try to help Ray out, though, and introduce him to some interesting women. What kind of impression is Ray going to give? Even if he puts on a smile and tries, if he’s got lingering resentment or despair, he’s not going to give off good vibes when he’s meeting someone new.
Here are three useful things that everyone can do to help improve their outlook and, in doing so, have a better time meeting new people:
1. When you catch yourself complaining about something, stop immediately and try to think of something, anything, that’s positive about the situation. If you’ve told a joke to a pretty woman and the joke fell flat, and now she’s talking to someone else, figure out how you could improve the delivery of the joke and get ready to try again.
2. Force a smile. As long as you can keep a smile on your face that looks at least slightly natural, it will have beneficial effects on your mood. Other people will see you smiling and will smile at you, which will reinforce the good feelings. And perhaps simply because our biology associates smiling with happiness, the simple act of turning up the corners of your mouth will encourage your mind to stay positive.
3. Set smart goals when you go out. Don’t think “I want to go home with a hottie,” think “I want to meet interesting people.” And then follow through: be willing to talk to people you might not normally, including girls or guys you know you wouldn’t want to romance. The good vibes you’ll start to build up enhance your confidence and help make you a more interesting and attractive person.
The higher you keep your attitude, the better the returns. Everyone wants to spend time with people who make them feel good about themselves and their lives. Work to become that person and it’ll come back to you.
Tags: Advice, positivity
Although it is true that one can make any day special for their sweetheart, the approach of Valentine’s Day just holds so much excitement! Here are some tips to make this Valentine’s day (or any day, that is) memorable:
- Surprise your other half. Plan something thoughtful, whether it’s a romantic fantasy they’ve mentioned, or simply something spontaneous. An evening full of romance, out or in, or a getaway weekend for two are just some examples.
- Do something out of the ordinary. If the two of you are used to a routine, break out of it. Try pampering each other. Giving each other massages with oil or feeding each other fruit dipped in chocolate are just some ideas.
- Let your significant other know they’re appreciated. One can do this by writing a meaningful card or letter for their mate. (To add a surprise effect, place the love note somewhere they are guaranteed to look, and have them find it. It makes the gesture even more sweet.)
Remember that gifts on Valentine’s Day are not necessary to show your love for another. However, if one or the two of you feel like giving gifts, remember that presents don’t have to be expensive to be heartfelt. A simple box of chocolates often suffices; something home-made or something thoughtful are also good options.
My Recommendations:
-Frankie Tomatto’s – this place has exquisite dining for an inexpensive cost. Not only is the food tasty, the atmosphere is intimate and cozy – a perfect place for a romantic date.
7225 Woodbine Avenue
Markham, ON L3R
(905) 940-1900
www.FrankieTomatto.com
Café Cache
-This adorable little café serves both delectable desserts and scrumptious meals. This is a great place to indulge in mouth-watering foods and make memories with your lover.
255 Bass Pro Mills Drive
Vaughan, ON L4K
(905) 738-9198
www.CafeCache.ca
Home
Some may think that a duo cannot have an enjoyable time at home, but I beg to differ. Each other’s company is what’s most important. If a couple cares to do something entertaining indoors, there are many options available; these include back rubs, baking decadent treats, playing trivia games, ordering in food or making food for each other, painting, and so on. Not to mention, this option is the least costly and most intimate setting.
‘Hope these tips bring some spark to your Valentine’s Day and/or overall lovelife!
