Love In Toronto

You’ve got the special night planned, and now there’s just one thing left: a present. You want to impress your date but are confused about what to buy. If you get her something and she doesn’t get you anything, you could make her uncomfortable. On the other hand if you get her something less expensive than what she got you, you could end up looking like a jerk. So what do you get your date this Valentine’s Day?

Never fear. Finding the right gift your Valentine is easy. Just remember the following:

1) Your status. If you and your sweetie aren’t official, then it would be safest not to get her anything. If you actually got her something, it would be obvious you want a commitment. Then you would have to have a talk about feelings much earlier than you’re ready for. You may even end up looking desperate.

2) How long you’ve been dating. The longer you’ve been dating, the more acceptable larger gifts are. Of course, Valentine’s Day isn’t a big occasion, so the gifts probably shouldn’t be over the top. This means no yachts, puppies or big screen TVs. Accessories, jewelry and game tickets are acceptable, however.

3) Past presents. Think back to past presents you’ve got each other – Christmas, birthdays, past Valentine’s Days. Think of what kind of gifts you got each other and how much you spent. This Valentine’s Day, you can spend the same amount or higher.

4) The nature of your relationship. If you have a close relationship with your honey and you constantly spoil each other, then you can get an idea of the spending limit. If you aren’t in each other’s face everyday or don’t go all out on gifts, you should probably stick to a smaller gift. Homemade gifts are also an option, if that applies.

5) Your partner’s financial status. You want to give a nice gift, but it would be a bit inconsiderate to give a large gift if you know your partner can’t reciprocate. If your other half is broke this Valentine’s Day, you may want to suggest not giving gifts at all. That way, you can rest at ease knowing you didn’t put your sweetie in an uncomfortable or trying position.

6) Your sweetie’s style. Some people loathe commercial holidays and boycott Valentine’s Day for this reason. If you’re in a new relationship, it would be best to check if your sweetie’s anti-Valentine’s Day or not. That way, you won’t irk her by supporting the capitalist occasion. Just remember you can make any day romantic, so don’t be disappointed if your partner doesn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day.

Thomas á Kempis once said, “A wise lover values not so much the gift of the lover as the love of the giver.” This is correct. Your partner probably won’t care what you get her for Valentine’s Day. You can make her uncomfortable by getting a gift that’s out of her budget, though. You could even make yourself look desperate by giving your crush a Valentine’s Day gift if you’re not dating. You should be safe if you follow your instincts, however.

Got a dating question you’re anxious to get answered? Ask Stephanie is a new column where I give you dating advice. To submit your question, email me at stephanie@loveintoronto.com.

Please note I will reply to your email in your inbox as well as post my advice on the website. I will try to answer as many questions as possible, but I cannot guarantee I can answer all of them.

Cheers, folks!

If you’re in a relationship, you know they take effort to maintain. This year, attempt to improve your relationship instead of just yourself. There’s probably nothing big you need to fix, but it would be safe to fix all the little problems that could add up to something major.

Following through with a resolution can be challenging, but just remember it’ll all be worth it. All it takes is a little patience. If your partner says you need to contribute to housework more, stop calling her names or something along those lines, she may just adore you for putting in the effort to fix it.

So what should you do when trying to improve yourself and, consequently, your relationship?

1) Make a list. Think about everything your partner has ever criticized you for. Look at your journal. Make a list of all the things you need to work on, and choose which ones you’re going to deal with.

2) Make a plan. Choose a timeline you’re going to eliminate your bad habits by and how you’re going to go about it. You should also think of ways to maintain your improved self.

3) Set it in motion right away. As the author Marie Edgeworth once said: “The man who will not execute his resolutions when they are fresh upon him can have no hope from them afterwards; they will be dissipated, lost and perish in the hurry and scurry of the world, or sunk in the slough of indolence.” What she means here is: if you put off your plan, you may just end up putting it off for too long or forever. Besides the quicker you change, the more likely your partner is to notice. If you continue doing things that bother her for a while, your relationship could crumble. Your other half may even take longer to notice your new ways, when you finally implement them.

4) Keep a journal. You may occasionally revert to your old habits. If this happens, don’t beat yourself up. This will just put you in a negative mood, which may slow down your progress. Instead, keep a journal to vent about your disappointment. Jot down new methods of improving. Don’t think about it afterwards, and continue with your day. You will improve eventually, so don’t let this get you down.

5) Maintain a positive attitude. When you think abandoning your bad habits is boring or impossible, that’s when sticking to your New Year’s resolution becomes work. Think positively, instead. You will improve. It’s not hard to be your new self. You will have an even better relationship if you give up certain tendencies.

Changing small things about yourself may not seem necessary. If your partner complains a lot about them, though, your relationship may benefit from some self-improvement. You could have a closer, simpler relationship with your honey, and you may just be happier yourself. This may not improve your relationship for just 2013, but also for many years to come.

Photo from PDPhoto.org.