Dear Kris,
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 6 months now, and it’s been a long distance relationship. Lately he’s been bugging me to move in with him, which is 3 hours from where I currently live. Part of me thinks I should, but the other part doesn’t want to leave my friends, family and great job. How should I figure out what would be best?
Thanks.
Stacey
Stacey,
This question is right up my alley. I was in a similar position last year, and I ended up moving to a different city to live with my boyfriend. While it was the right choice for me, it doesn’t necessarily mean it will be for you. There are a few things to think of.
The main question: How serious are you about him? Do you see a future there, and do you love him enough to move your entire life to be with him? Because if not, stay put. You seem to like your life where it is, so only change it if you’re sure.
The other issues are secondary. Will you be able to find a job where he is? Can you be happy there? Do you have transportation to visit home when you need your friends and family? Changing the city you live in can be great for giving your life a fresh start. Would that be beneficial to you?
Lastly, ask yourself this – if roles were reversed, would he be willing to move for you? Relationships are a two-way street (yes, I’m allowed to use cheesy clichés where I see fit), and each of you should get what you put into it. Rash decisions are useless in importations situations like this one. Think it through; be a bit selfish with your outcome.
Taking a leap like that can be great. As long as you’re sure it isn’t a blind one.
Kris
Kris,
What’s the best way to break up with a girl that I’ve been dating for a couple of months? I wouldn’t mind being her friend still, but I’m just not all that attracted to her.
S.D.
S.D.,
First off – put down the cell phone, turn off the computer, and put the cordless back in its cradle. Breaking up via text message, e-mail, and even phone call is not the way to go (unless, of course, you want to be labeled as a jerk and be blacklisted by any potential girls you may want to date in the future. No? Didn’t think so.)
Now… when you’re face-to-face with her, just be honest. But be nice. You don’t need to say, “Sorry girly, your face just doesn’t do it for me”, that really wouldn’t go over too well. Let her know that you think the two of you could be great friends, but that a relationship isn’t working for you. Depending how serious she was about you, you may not have to explain yourself much further than that.
Breaking up isn’t easy for anyone, so try to make it as simple and easy as possible. Both parties can appreciate that.
Kris
Have a question or relationship dilemma? Email Kris at: kristengoetz@hotmail.com
