I’m making a couple of assumptions here.
I’m assuming you’ve been on a dinner date with somebody you want to get to know…a little better.
I’m assuming you’re doing the tried-and-true ‘dinner-and-a-movie’ thing (–I refuse to call it a cliché—it’s really more of a classic–) and I’m assuming you’re clever enough to realize the stresses of a multiplex can’t really compare to cuddling up on your (–or her–) favorite couch.
So, Romeo, you’ve done dinner, and you’re fortunate enough to spend the rest of the evening alone together.
Here’s how to NOT blow it.
-Rent something she’s going to like. Let’s face it—you don’t give a damn what you rent. I don’t care if you can get your hands on a bootlegged Transformers sequel—no matter how badly you’ve been waiting to see the latest release, you’ve been waiting to see her naked, even more.
(This isn’t likely going to happen on date number one—she’s a lady, remember—but you’re a hell of a lot closer if the rental is something she can stomach.)
-Be subtle in inviting her home. You’re going to suffer through The Terms of Endearment; the least she can do is let you suffer on your ottoman.
I’m with you; but be tactful, fellas. Don’t come across as creepy—no maniacal grin with the invitation—throw it out gently, one of those Hey,-I’ve-got-an-idea ideas.
-It’s called a loveseat, fool. Use it.
-Nothing is sexier—nothing in the whole wide world—than a bottle of red wine. The trick, again, is to make it seem subtle. If she walks in, and you’ve got rose petals all over the loveseat, and a bottle on chill on the table, then I’m afraid you’re walking the ‘creepy’ line.
Some girls might appreciate the attention to detail, but the ‘spontaneity’ of the evening is part of the appeal.
-Let her watch the damn movie. This is the part that sucks, but you knew you’d be on the frontlines when you signed up for the war. There won’t be a moment of the god-awful romantic comedy that you wouldn’t rather be diving down her neck, but you’re a gentleman. So you watch.
So you suffer.
-That said, if she makes the first move—and yes, she’s still a lady if she does—then all bets are off.
-If the movie ends, however, and her (being a lady) and you (being a gentleman) has not led to ravaging one another, don’t worry. You’re still in, and you’re earning points for your chivalry. So walk her to the door, or drive her home, and then…
-Read her.
I’m serious; this is the important part. Unless you’re a complete write-off, you should have some indication of whether or not the goodnight kiss is going to happen.
You do NOT want to read this wrong. If you go in for the kill and she pulls away, whatever magic you might have made (suffering through God-awful movies) is dead.
Close your eyes, do that sexy mouth thing you’ve been working on, and, Lord willing, let her have it.
But please, please, please don’t mess it up.
The ground you’ve gained tonight—be it an inch or a mile—is invaluable.
Who knows–
–next time you might even get to pick the movie.
