Why do men have such a hard time expressing their feelings?
And why do we, as women, knowing this fact – still expect them to come through for us?
Almost every man at one point in his life has heard that he is not sensitive. So how do we work through
this dilemma? More importantly, where did this problem originate? As Sigmund Freud theorized, one’s personality is reflective of his/her childhood. Let’s examine this.
My best friend’s three year-old son fell down and hurt himself. No scratches. Nothing. His eyes became watery and just as he was about to cry, the mother says, “You’re okay, buddy. Come on. You don’t need to cry.” The little boy represses his tears. Another good friend of mine has a little girl. Five years old. She tripped on her shoelace and fell down. No scratches. Nothing. Her eyes became watery. Her mother picks her up and coddles her. The girls tears flowed. The mother says, “You’re okay, sweetie. Mommy is going to fix it and make it all better.”
I’ve asked many men, when was the last time they cried, and they’ve actually responded, “ten years ago,” “fifteen years ago”…some couldn’t even remember. Now, throw in the societal expectations of man. Man is still expected, even today with our strong feminist movement, to be strong and resolute. But, NOW we also want him peppered with sensitivity when that faucet has been shut off for years. Can you imagine how unnatural and scary this seems to man?
If a man has been conditioned since a child to repress his emotions, how can we expect him to switch on his sensitivity button? It’s an adjustment and it will take some time. Your man may never hit the bullseye on your expectations, but learn how to interpret his personal way of expression.
Is your man not good at verbally expressing his feelings? Suggest him writing them down on a card.
Does he not compliment you enough? Gently tell him that you love it when he notices a new outfit you’re wearing.
Is his voice not so tender when you call him? Soften him up with some sweet words.
Does he not use very good adjectives? Know that those simple adjectives hold the same weight as the words you would have liked to hear.
Unfortunately, ladies…this is the way most men are. So, encourage your man. Until we allow them to acknowledge their feelings as a child, we always be working at fixing the disconnect of sensitivity between man and woman.
