You’re Just Not That Into Him

Ladies, I have to tell you: an awful lot of you aren’t that good at dealing with unwanted attention from guys.  Perhaps the problem is just our different styles of communication.

Imagine this scenario: you went out on a date with a guy.  For whatever reason, the two of you didn’t click, and you’ve made up your mind that you aren’t going to go out with him again.  He’s calling or texting, asking when the two of you will go out again.  What do you do?

Suppose you met the guy randomly.  You didn’t really know him before the date, and you’ll probably never see him again.  In this situation, it’s acceptable to just not respond, but it’s not great.  In fact, it’s cowardly.  Instead, you say something like “I’m sorry, but I just didn’t feel a strong connection between us” and leave it at that.

But what if you’re acquaintances?  You have mutual friends?  You’re likely to run into each other with some frequency?  Well, now it’s no longer acceptable to just not respond.  It’s going to be awkward.  Granted, it’s also going to be awkward if you tell him you’re not interested, but it’s going to be a lot less awkward for less time.

Lastly, what do you do if the two of you are close friends?  Maybe you’ve known each other for a long time, maybe you’ve shared a lot together, maybe you have an awful lot of mutual close friends.  Just by going out on a date you know that there’s potential for complications, but you did anyway, and now you know it just isn’t going anywhere.  This is probably the hardest situation of all, because you have a friendship with someone you care about to protect. You deliver the unwelcome news honestly and tactfully.  ”I just don’t feel that spark between us and I’d like if we could still be friends.”  If you’re both mature about it, there will be a bit of pain and discomfort, but things will probably go back to normal.  It’ll be like ripping off a bandage: over before you know it.

What if he doesn’t give up, though?  Then things can get messy… and that’s a topic for another day.  I’ll get to it, as only a guy who’s been there can.

We all know that in general women are better at indirect communication than men are, so here’s the point: when you’re communicating with a man, especially with one you don’t plan to date, you should make an effort to communicate in terms he’ll easily understand.  We know you don’t want to hurt us, but it’s going to hurt whether you say it directly or not, and it’s worse if you drag it out.  Take a deep breath and, to borrow a politically inappropriate saying, man up.  It’s going to be easier for you anyway.