You’re at a house party with a few friends. You’ve met a bunch of new people, and there’s this one girl who’s really caught your attention. In need of some liquid courage, you head into the kitchen to grab another drink. Take a deep breath, now… nothing to worry about, just go talk to her. You put on your best confident swagger and round the corner, and… hey, is that Jay talking her up? Crap.
Sometimes you’ll be after the same person that your friend (or friends) are interested in, and these things can get ugly if you don’t figure out a mature way to handle them. Nothing divides men like a woman and vice versa.
Some groups might set out ground rules ahead of time, but I don’t think most of us have that kind of prescience; usually we only lay down ground rules once someone feels they’ve been cheated. If you find yourself in this situation already, what do you do?
First of all, don’t ever call dibs. I know guys who will say “I get first shot” and expect the other guys to back off. This is ridiculous. You should always respect your friends and their wishes, but there are reasonable ways to do this without resorting to grade school behavior. If you know one of your friends shares a potentially romantic interest with you, it’s fine for both of you to flirt with the object of your attractions, as long as you don’t step on each other’s toes. Which brings me to the second point.
Don’t try to cut down your friends. It’s tempting to try and make yourself look good at someone else’s expense when you’re trying to impress, but it’s a loser’s game. Whether or not things go well, if your friend finds out, he might be upset with you, and if things do go well and your new significant other has to hang out with people you’ve badmouthed, well, that might not go so well, either.
Finally, don’t overload the girl with flirting. If multiple guys are pressing in, things could get suffocating for her, and she may lose interest in socializing with the whole group. Regardless of your personal flirting success, social occasions should stay fun for everyone. This will help the overall mood stay positive.
Remember that if you’re all angling for the affections of a girl at a party, it’s not fair to try and make her choice for her, and if she’s really got her eye on one guy, it’s not going to matter who’s called dibs. Do your best to be an interesting, attractive person and it won’t matter if you’re up against your friends. After all, in the end, they’ll still be your friends tomorrow.
