Image courtesy of Diezel Photography (www.DiezelPhotography.com)
Don’t you just love it when you’re completely joyful with a significant other, whom you’ve been dating for a while, and then they state the most awful opinion you’ve ever heard? It’s not the fact that the two of you have contrasting perspectives that upsets you, it’s something else; something in the heart of their argument hints at your lover’s very nature. For instance, a couple could be convinced that they are meant for each other, but it turns out that one disregards animals’ rights, while the other supports them. This issue may seem trivial at first, but the animals’ rights activist may be bothered by her other half’s indifference towards something which she values greatly. Also, she may wonder if her mate is selfish and cold by nature.
Such clashes could be fatal to a relationship, but not all of them are. Obviously a pair is not going to agree on all things. The key is determining what differences you can tolerate, and what differences you find unacceptable. Differences in morals or values can inspire one to part from a partner, but insignificant details can actually make a relationship more exciting. For instance, having different interests can actually spice up a companionship; one may be more inclined to partake in new activities which they may find exciting, or being different from each other may create an attraction between a duo.
The moral here is not to let an unexpected outburst stir you to action – at least, not immediately. One must weigh the pros and cons of being with a lover before ending a romance with him or her. However, if a clash in beliefs or values is really upsetting to someone, then perhaps this difference makes ending a relationship worthwhile. After all, there are other people in the world who will share your morals, allowing you to connect on a deeper level. In addition, if you choose to have children with this person in the future, you will most likely agree on most aspects of how to raise your kids. For example, you may want to instil particular ethical standards in them, and discipline them a certain way. This is part of what makes discovering a partner who is compatible with oneself essential to a healthy relationship.
Well said Stephanie! It’s great that you articulate some keys to finding a compatible partner, and no doubt tips like “don’t let an unexpected outburst stir you to action,” can help many people.
I’d like to add that in my personal experience, I’ve been able to attract many compatible people of all kinds friends, co-workers, lovers, who fit with me thrillingly, simply by focusing *strongly* on traits I prefer, and not worrying about anything else. If I do encounter a difference which for whatever reason I don’t *prefer* (I like to use the word instead of “tolerate”), I lovingly say “no” to it, disentangle myself from that person romantically and accept whatever “fall-out” that occurs.
Hope this helps your readers, I love that you write about love/relationships in Toronto, keep rockin’!