The Persistent Rejectee

Photographer: Stephen James Hart, 2008

Why must certain people whom one has turned down keep trying to win over him/her? What does this person think s/he will accomplish? Not only is this constant pestering a nuisance, it also ruins friendships, for those who were companions before the displays of affection.

I’m sure plenty of people have been in this situation. Either one has declined a dinner date or a number exchange with a new admirer, or s/he has made it clear that a friend will remain a comrade and only a comrade. However, some suitors just don’t lose hope. Why is that? S/he doesn’t want to face the facts. Their object of their desire is much too appealing from whom to turn away.

While this opinion is flattering to the person being pursued, it is also annoying. There are things that rank higher on the “to-do” list than “dealing with a needy nag”. Moreover, when this desperate pursuit is initiated by someone whom one has befriended, it is even worse. If one had just accepted that his/her friend doesn’t want to begin romantic relations with him/her, then the two could continue being pals. But when a friend insists on furthering a relationship with an uninterested companion, the latter person may need distance from the former.

This is when the destruction of companionships occur. In some instances, the determined wooer does not want to have any contact with his/her love interest unless they enter a non-platonic relationship. In other cases, the pair’s comradeship remains intact. However, there is often a great deal of flirting –usually one-sided flirting – when this last option takes place. In addition, once the person being chased enters a long-term relationship, relations can get awkward with the affectionate buddy. In fact, it may be necessary for the newly-taken individual to cut ties with their old pal. Other times, his/her friend might only require a few reminders to quit their doting ways. Luckily for a fraction of people, their enthusiasts may respect their relationships and give up their pestering immediately.

My advice to people who are being chased by others who don’t get the message that they aren’t interested: Ignore them. At first, your lover may continue pursuing you, wondering if you are deliberately ignoring him/her, if you are busy, or if you are playing hard to get. However, they will eventually stop. Even though this may take a while to end, do not speak to them. Talking to the person who is constantly on your tail will only give them hope. Even if you tell this type of individual repeatedly that you don’t see him/her as you romantic partner, s/he will most likely feel they have a chance to convince you of being their mate. Thus, the most effective solution to this dilemma is to cease speaking to the tireless chaser, however, I advise one to only take this route if s/he is planning to cut all contact with their stubborn pursuer.