This problem is as widespread as it is baffling by those who are victims of it. Usually one will think that a love interest is not into them when s/he has been turned down after expressing interest in the heartthrob, but the truth of the matter is that the forward gesture of affection was a turn-off. This kind of rejection does not mean that the suitor is not romantically desirable to the person being chased; it just means that s/he might have been scared away. To prevent this kind of rejection, use subtler strategies when courting a crush.
Readers, beware: there is a time and a place for more direct approaches, as there are environments when low-key methods are necessary. Bars and clubs are great for direct flirting; people expect to be picked up there, and many people who go there are actually looking for some type of commitment, serious or not. On the other hand, work and school are places where discreet tactics are necessary. Because you encounter your crush here on a daily basis, there is a lot more at risk; your reputation and a healthy friendship with your interest may be on the line.
The following are tips for being low-key while flirting:
If you go to school with your interest:
-If you barely know the person or s/he has caught your eye from a mile away, find a reason to talk to them. Think of a question you can ask – whether it is about the homework, the time the class meets each week, or when the next day off of school is – and ask your crush. Once he or she has replied, you have an opportunity to make conversation with him/her as you would with one of your friends.
-When a test approaches, ask your crush if s/he is prepared for it. If s/he says no, ask if s/he’d like to study together. If s/he is ready for the exam, claim you don’t understand a concept or two, even if you really do, and ask if s/he wouldn’t mind studying together. This gives you two an opportunity to socialize; just don’t forget to actually make some time for studying!
-Ask him/her to be your partner for group assignments. This hints that you like/desire his/her company but isn’t overly forward.
If you work together:
-Ask your crush when his/her break is. This hints that you’d like to spend your break together.
-Before grabbing a coffee for yourself after work, ask your interest if s/he’d like anything. If s/he tags along, it is a good sign.
-If you have questions, refer many of them – but not all – to your crush. After all, you don’t want to overwhelm him/her with attention.
Subtle approaches work well on people one hardly knows. Straight-forward approaches don’t have to be ruled out of the equation, but remember that there is a certain context where they work best. Furthermore, if you feel your crush isn’t responsive to your subtle cues, don’t take offense. Perhaps s/he isn’t picking up on your hints and is interpreting your actions as you being friendly. In that case, a more direct approach may be in order – but be prepared for either a good or a bad outcome.
