The Art of Being Led On

We’ve all been a little skeptical when our dates proposed sex. Is this all she wants? Does she want something romantic? Sometimes the signs are blurry.

Although it is difficult to tell when a date is leading you on, there are signs. Consider the following the next time you’re unsure of your date’s intentions:

Beware of people who ask you to hang out the same day. Usually when people ask you to hang out the same day you met, they just want sex. These daters don’t care about establishing a connection before a date.

Beware of people who seem distant. If your recent date contacts you every few days when she used to contact you every day, she most likely wants you to be her friend with benefits.

Beware especially of someone who contacts you only to ask what you’re doing. A friend with benefits won’t make small talk with you unless it’s in person.

Beware of people who sext. If your crush texts you dirty talk rather than affection, she most likely only wants a physical relationship.

Beware of anyone who suggests sex after 1-3 dates. Some scumbags are more straightforward and try to get you naked right away. Others think you’re classy and put on a nice act for a few dates before they grope you. Sex before a relationship seems to be the norm these days, so this is something to be skeptical rather than cynical about.

Beware of someone who won’t tell you what she’s looking for. This question may seem like a godsend to some daters. On the other hand, if someone refuses to answer that question or gives you roundabout answers, she is most likely looking for a friend with benefits.

Sometimes one can’t tell if she is being used or not. In these cases, a dater usually mixes affection with sexuality. What one could do here is to listen to one’s gut reaction or one’s heart. That is not to say one won’t get hurt, but it may just be an enjoyable experience. Alternatively, one could date someone new and not put out until after the relationship has begun. If one has a friend with benefits who is sometimes flirty, he could choose to not to believe the affectionate lay unless she reveals she’s interested in a relationship. Thomas Jefferson once said, “Do not bite at the bait of pleasure, till you know there is no hook beneath it.” This is the most careful way to go.

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