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- Be polite. Your breaking up with someone via e-mail, text, Facebook, fax or telegram will most likely not lead to you and your ex becoming great pals. You may wish to break up with someone over the telephone or face-to-face instead; your ex may thank you.
- Give a reason. You should always give a reason when breaking up with someone. Your providing a former partner an explanation for a breakup will provide him or her with the closure s/he needs. In addition, your doing so will help prepare an ex-flame for a new relationship. You may not realize this, but if you do not clarify to your new comrade where your relationship went wrong, s/he may lose all hope for his or her love life. In fact, if your relationship ended abruptly and you were not informed of the cause, you may think you did nothing wrong in the relationship and lose hope of ever finding someone who appreciates you.
- Be diplomatic. Your ex is likely to despise you if you do any of the following: yell, fight, accuse, insult, threaten. That is why during a breakup, you may prefer to be tactful. For example, instead of saying “You have no time for me,” you could say, “We rarely see each other.”
- Explain that you would still like to be friends. Many people drift apart when this fact is not mentioned. They think that distance is the best way to get over someone, but they never get back in touch with their former admirers when the heartache is over.
- If you need space for a few days/weeks to get over things, say so. Otherwise, your new friend may feel rejected and/or neglected.
Tips for a Less Helter Skelter Dating Life in 2012
January 25th, 2012
You receive it – the infamous “hey” after you text your recent date a “hey sweetie.” On the other hand, maybe you receive no response all day. You might be driven crazy by these acts, just some ambiguous behaviours daters display. Don’t fret, though. You may discover that the motives behind these actions aren’t as negative as you may think.
You mustn’t draw conclusions when dating. Your doing so could lead to negative assumptions on your part, which are most likely untrue. You, like most people, probably find it easier to be negative than positive. While on the dating scene though, you should rationalize and think positively. Your doing so could allow you to keep your sanity and perceive situations realistically. Of course, you could possibly be correct by being cynical. But if you are contacted by your crush after a night out, it’s safe to be optimistic.
Note the following behaviours daters commonly misinterpret:
1) The ignored text. Perhaps you text your honey, and he or she doesn’t respond. You need not dissect this situation. Accept that he or she is most likely busy. You may be justified in assuming a lack of interest, however, if he or she doesn’t reply for a week. At the same time, you should not be offended, as your recent date could be busy. In addition, if you and your potential partner recently got into an argument, your admirer is most likely ignoring you until he or she is in a better mood.
2) The missed date. You may be disappointed when your date cancels, doesn’t show up to your proposed destination or doesn’t answer your “are we still on for today?” text. Rather than assume he or she is uninterested or shady, you should consider that he or she may be unreliable. You must also realize that one’s unreliability has nothing to do with you and that he or she is most likely busy. Also, be careful not to assume your date doesn’t have his or her priorities in order, as unreliable people usually have good reasons for cancelling.
3) The lack of affection. You address your love interest by a sweet nickname, to which he or she replies with none for you. You may find it easy to deduce that he or she is uninterested. You will most likely find, however, that this is not the case. In situations like this, you must remember three things:
• A complete stranger you went on a date with will usually not talk to you if he or she is uninterested;
• Withholding affection is a form of passive aggression; and
• Some people do not always reciprocate pet names.
With these points in mind, you can see that the person you’re longing for is most likely angry. Find out the reason he or she is angry, solve it and watch the influx of flirtation. Note also that many shy people will revert to this tactic when they want you to ask them on another date. Bear in mind your love interest is most likely not flirty, if that doesn’t work. You should also consider the possibility your date has a significant other and is contacting you while with him or her.
4) The lack of initiation. Don’t take it personally if your once-proclaimed fan doesn’t initiate conversations with you or ask to see you again. If you receive responses to your texts to him or her, he or she is most likely interested. Thus, in this circumstance, you may discover that your crush is shy or waiting for some sign of interest from you. Start conversations and initiate invites, and you may be rewarded.
5) The forgotten call. Don’t fret if your sweetheart does not call if he or she promised to do so. Know that many people are too forgetful, busy or shy to call. Note that this behaviour is common and has nothing do to with one’s level of interest in you.
You may have heard the saying “It is when we all play safe that we create a world of utmost insecurity,” first said by Dag Hammarskjold. Now that you’ve read the above, you may know this statement to be true. You may also notice that many daters’ behaviours confuse their admirers, who insecurely give up on them. Don’t play it safe in 2012. Escape your comfort zone by responding to perceived problems with security. Await the possible rewards.
Your 2012 Resolution: Be a Better Dater
January 9th, 2012
You’re great. You get called “perfect” occasionally. But you know the truth is your dates are overlooking something – or a few. You may use the potential 2012 holds to fix this. Work on your flaws to become the ultimate dater.
First, you must pinpoint your faults. You discover your shortcomings when you think back to criticism others have given you. Think about things your exes, family and friends have said they disliked about you. Think of characteristics you loathe about yourself. But how do you change? Note the following problematic qualities many people face and how to change them:
Anger Issues
You’ve been told you’re too angry. Your instigating nature is dangerous, because it can cause violence. Of course, you may not be violent. When you get into an argument, however, your opponent may be. You, like many people, may think passive aggression is the best way to fix this. If you Google “passive aggression” though, you will discover it is a form of abuse. Note that Cathy Meyer, author of Passive Aggressive Behaviour: A Form of Covert Abuse, says “Passive aggressive[s] can drive people around [them] crazy,” because they communicate ambiguously. When you imply that you are angry, your partner may not understand if you are angry or uninterested, or why you are angry. You may find that the frustration he or she feels results in some form of cruel treatment. Solve your anger issues the best way by being less aggressive and addressing issues with your significant other in a polite tone. Of course, you must not accuse your partner of actions you are unsure he or she committed or create issues that don’t exist.
Trust Issues
Don’t be embarrassed if others have told you you are too jealous. You are just one of many people who experience this problem. Though, making assumptions about your partner’s fidelity will most likely lead to you having a headache and angry outbursts. You may find that the key to controlling your jealousy is not worrying about your partner cheating on you. You may only be certain of your other half cheating if he or she tells you, or if you find mysterious underwear at his or her place. So why not relax unless that happens?
Being Controlling
Controlling your partner is unhealthy. Not only does it suffocate him or her, but it also prevents your sweetie from doing certain things he or she enjoys. If you were in his or her shoes, would you be having fun? To be less controlling, do not give your partner commands. If you ever find concrete evidence that your partner is cheating on you, the best thing to do would be to break up rather than strap a ball-and-chain to his or her foot.
Insecurity
You will most likely annoy your partner when you doubt him or her. Have a little confidence in yourself, and both you and your partner may benefit from greater mental health. To do so, remember the following:
Yes, you will most likely get an answer to your text message. If don’t receive a reply though, your honey is most likely busy. Don’t be jealous if your baby flirts with others more than you. You may learn later that your darling is just being playful. Most importantly, don’t analyze. You will most likely be wrong, because it is easier to be negative than positive.
You may be familiar with the Portuguese proverb: “Change yourself, and fortune will change with you.” You may find it to be true. When you change for the better, you may have healthier, longer-lasting relationships. Thus, you may not wish to procrastinate. Improve, if need be.
How to Have a Happy Holiday with Your Honey
December 26th, 2011
It’s post-Christmas-stress time, and you don’t know how to spend it. You’re tired from all the Christmas running around but crave amusement. You might be relieved to know you have many options. Whether you rest, shop or entertain, you should be pleased with how you spend your holidays. But where do you start?
1) Rest. After all the Christmas preparing, dining and cleaning, you may be exhausted. You should rest thoroughly tonight, meaning going to bed early and sleeping in Boxing Day morning. After all, if you put it off until later, you may be too drained to enjoy the rest of your holidays. And if you don’t want to be away from your sweetheart for too long, you can always nap together.
2) Shop. You probably think Boxing Day deals are worth the lineups, claustrophobia and sweat. If you miss them, you just may regret it. If you have a bit of spending money this year, probably a holiday present you received, take advantage of the current mind-blowing sales. You and your partner may delight in shops on Orfus Rd. in North York, which are known for their amazing Boxing Day discounts. And if you want to avoid crowds, shop later during Boxing Week.
3) Get Together. You may have a few days off work. In order to spend them wisely before returning to the dictatorship you call your office, you should try to have as much fun as possible. This means attending holiday parties, hosting get-togethers and/or visiting local bars, with your other half. As actress Jacqueline Bisset said, “Being around people with whom you feel a connection, on many levels, not just a professional one, is very relaxing. Your ears are more open to someone who is not a cantankerous bastard.”
You may be overjoyed that you have time off for the holidays. But if you don’t spend this time in ways you like, you may be severely stressed when you return to work. Enjoy your holidays through rest, shopping and entertainment, accompanied by your honey.
How to Christmas Shop the Slacker-Proof Way
December 20th, 2011
Do you sweat as you think about what to get your honey this Christmas, the holiday only a few days away? You might be especially concerned, because you don’t want to get your partner something s/he won’t like. There is no need for you to worry, though. Of course you can’t guarantee that your sweetheart will enjoy your gift, but you can improve your chances of wowing your other half by remembering a few things.
If you wish to please your sweetheart this Christmas, try any of the following while holiday shopping:
1) Browse. If you’re stumped about gift ideas for your significant other while at the mall, the best thing to do may be to stop thinking. Sometimes by walking into stores with nothing on your shopping list, you may discover interesting, useful or coveted items you’d have never considered.
2) Be thoughtful. Remember something s/he said s/he wanted or needed. Get something you think s/he’d like based on his or her interests. Even something your partner said was “cool” in conversation may work.
3) Be romantic. A scrapbook, a love letter in a bottle, a dog tag with your face on it. When you go out of your way to make a gift special for your partner, s/he may be impressed. In addition, s/he may relish the sweetness of such a gift.
4) Get something extraordinary. If you stumble upon an object that is innovative and unique, think about whether or not your sweetie will like it. Though such items have mass appeal, it best to consider whether your romantic companion will find it desirable or not. After all, you don’t want to hear complaints or realize your honey threw your Christmas present in the back of his or her closet.
5) Get something useful. If there are certain objects you know your partner will use, they may become gifts that aren’t abandoned. Such items include objects your partner needs newer versions of, objects his or her interests indicate s/he’ll like, something she needs to restock on or a gift card. For instance, you could purchase your sweetie a phone if his or hers is damaged, an E-reader if s/he is an avid reader, makeup if s/he is running out or a VISA gift card that can be used anywhere that accepts VISA.
6) If your other methods fail, give something safe. Stray away from items that involve your honey’s personal taste unless you know his or her taste well. Fragrances are just one of the items on the bad list. There are usually items you know your partner will like. Edible body paint, model cars, sequin heels. If you stick to these, your partner may just rejoice on Christmas day.
You may know 17th century writer Baltasar Gracian said: “The great art of giving consists in this: the gift should cost very little and yet be greatly coveted, so that it may be the more highly appreciated.” You should always put effort into the gifts you give to your honey, as Gracian recommends. Even if your significant other dislikes your Christmas present, s/he may appreciate the energy you put into choosing it. And at least you can’t say you didn’t try.
Impress Your Date with Snowboarding
December 20th, 2011Sure, it may be out there. To the risk takers, it’s an adrenaline-pumping date that may make their dates swoon. Those who suggest snowboarding first dates may be seen as courageous by potential partners. Snowboarding daters get to enjoy the winter scenery, improve their snowboarding skills and get some critical exercise.
The physical activity involved in snowboarding prevents conditions like clogged arteries, cancer and osteoporosis. Moreover, those wishing to skip their daily workout can burn calories by trying this winter sport. In addition, the fresh air a snowboarding date provides may please city folk, who are accustomed to inhaling toxins. Not to mention, the setting is beautiful: tall evergreens and rolling hills blanketed in milky snow.
The endorphin rush that occurs shortly after snowboarding may allow one to bond with a love interest. Each of a duo may share a “Wow-I-can’t-believe-I-did-that” story and appreciate the other’s positive encouragement while they snowboard. In addition, some may laugh at their own snowboarding errs, causing their partners to chuckle as well. This ripple-effect laughter is not condescending but out of mere contagion of the former’s giggling. Furthermore, this “I-have-to-laugh-because-you’re-laughing” humour can make a date more enjoyable.
Snowboards tend to cost between $99 and $600 but can be rented at ski resorts for $25-$40. Snowboarding admission is typically $45-$60, depending on the time spent on the slopes. No, this is not a cheap date. But occasionally, it is worthwhile to splurge on a fun activity. And of course, some may just make memories snowboarding that will cause them to overlook the price.
Some snowboarding resorts in Toronto include:
• Blue Mountain
• Chicopee
• Dagmar
• Devil’s Elbow
• Hockley Valley
Of course, not everyone has snowboarding experience. Lucky for rookie snowboarders, each snowboarding resort has snowboarding instructors. Moreover, one can begin by skiing down bunny hills, which are small hills intended for those inexperienced in Winter sports. Then, he or she may move on to the greater challenge: snowboarding.
Snowboarding may make the ultimately memorable first date. Not only is it out of the ordinary, it is also thrilling. In addition, it allows daters to exercise. Moreover, it allows pairs to get fresh air. Furthermore, it is easy to learn. One who wishes to impress a love interest may need only to say: “Let’s go snowboarding!”
Stay Warm This Winter: Egg Nog and Gingerbread Houses
November 13th, 2011
Hot chocolate covered in whipped cream
Couples’ making gingerbread houses and savouring seasonal drinks is pairs’ having crumpets and tea in Heaven while being dubbed angels. This date allows duos who are too tired or sluggish to venture outdoors, to entertain themselves at home. All it requires is a gingerbread house making kit and egg nog. People who’d like to keep the gingerbread house should be careful, however, not to eat the entire creation. In that case, it may be desirable to purchase multiple gingerbread house making kits, gingerbread cookies and/or other decadent treats.
Such a date is inexpensive. It does not add up to the cost of purchasing movie tickets, popcorn, candy and drinks. It is not near the cost of skiing admission and gas. Moreover, it does not equate to the price of a play, dinner and parking downtown. Ingredients, the only cost of this cozy date, should ring up to about $25.
This activity also takes place in a comfortable setting. One gets to sit by the fire drinking egg nog with one’s sweetheart rather than sitting in a rigid seat in a restaurant, which may be chilly due to doors frequently opening and shutting. In addition, this date involves no waiting outdoors for admission, in the cold. This environment may be suitable for romance, too; there are no servers checking up on the duo constantly, no noise and no distracting media, allowing the two to bond without interruption. On the other hand, if a pair wishes to watch a Christmas movie during their time together, this date allows the twosome to do so.
Furthermore, this date allows participants to please their taste buds. Pairs can add jellybeans, chocolate chips, icing and whatever else they’d desire in the candy department, to their delectable houses. Not everyone has a taste for egg nog, but there are many other scrumptious beverages twosomes can enjoy. These include: coffee topped with froth, milkshakes, mochachinos, hot chocolate, cider, caramel cocktails and chocolate-mint martinis.
The following are recipes for drinks couples may wish to enjoy this holiday season:
• Frothy coffee
• Hot chocolate
• Milkshakes
• Mochachinos
• Apple cider
• Caramel cocktails a.k.a. “Liquid Caramel”
• Chocolate-mint martinis
In the movie An Affair to Remember, Terry McKay says, “Winter must be cold for those with no warm memories.” This is definitely the case. Winter does not have to be drab. Slush, snow and cold are factors that won’t bring down one’s mood if he or she doesn’t let it. Couples’ making gingerbread houses and drinking seasonal beverages is one enjoyable date the weather should not ruin.
Have a Ball!
November 3rd, 2011
As the Winter weather approaches, many couples rub their chins vigorously, brainstorming date ideas appropriate to the weather conditions. They needn’t burst their brain cells, however. These date-pondering twosomes and their friends may find at-home dinner dates delightful. After all, those involved in an indoor dinner party may get to eat delectable dishes, wear glitzy outfits and drink alcoholic substances. One may also choose to make the event a masquerade ball, for additional enjoyment.
At-home get-togethers are relatively inexpensive. Even if one chooses to make the event a formal affair, the cost of the occasion may be equivalent to a night spent at a restaurant. Guests may have bought new outfits for the night in the city and have paid around $30 each for dinner anyway. In addition, those partaking don’t have to worry about parking or coat check fees. All hosts need are meal ingredients, dashing outfits, appetizing liqueur and pleasant music, meaning they have to purchase relatively little.
A dinner party at home offers a pair some of the comforts of home coupled with the exhilaration of city night madness. Individuals get to consume healthy, home-cooked food that gives the satisfaction of catered cooking. Tired guests also have the option to nap. In addition, attendees may find one’s home cozier than a cold, institutional banquet hall. Moreover, hosts may make use of television programs, board games, karaoke machines and card decks, should they crave such activities. At the same time, visitors to a dinner host’s home get to dance endlessly, drink heavily and dress formally.
Another plus of a couple’s enjoying dinner with their companions at home is the heating this indoor event promises, as opposed to the cold these couples would have to face waiting in line outside a club. Moreover, if the hosts can’t fit much cooking into their hectic schedules, they can always choose to make the event a potluck. Guests are also able to hear each other better in a home setting rather than at a bar or club, allowing them to bond deeply. Furthermore, one’s living room may be a more romantic, intimate setting than a restaurant environment would be.
If a duo is seeking added entertainment, however, the pair may wish to turn an at-home get-together into a masquerade ball. Couples get to feel mysterious in their luxurious costumes. It is not every day that people get to disguise themselves, meaning that when dinner guests get a chance to do so, they may get a thrill from it. Guests may take off their masks if they make them uncomfortable eventually, but the initial wear of the feathered, bedazzled or slinky masks may lend the experience a Medieval feel.
One’s staying at home doesn’t have to be boring. Many couples can enjoy themselves at home by dining with friends. Not only is this date inexpensive, but it is also fun. Guests at a winter dinner party have the chance to ingest healthy, scrumptious food in a warm, cozy environment. One’s making the occasion a masquerade ball may also add more excitement to an already great date.
How to Break up Civilly
October 16th, 2011
You have not seen your partner in over a month. You’ve explained to your sweetie that you would like to see each other more, but you’ve received no gratification of this request. Though you cherish your significant other deeply – and you know s/he adores you – there is nothing you can do about the present problem. As you decide to break up with this neglectful dirtbag, you worry that neither of you will keep in touch.
You’ve heard of people in a couple who became non-existent to each other post-split. You’ve heard of other ex-flames who plotted revenge on each other. You’ve heard of other former lovebirds who were at ease with each other until one eventually said some mean and hurtful things to the other. There are ways of breaking up, however, that will increase your odds of remaining companions with your former other half. The key ingredient to your having a peaceful breakup is civility.
The following are tips you may want to consider if you’re breaking up with someone whose friendship you’d like to preserve:
You may have heard the statement “Civility costs nothing and buys everything,” first stated by Mary Wortley Montagu. You may wish to remain on peaceful terms with an ex due to possible future encounters, blissful friendship purposes and/or clear conscience possession. Whatever the case, your having a harmonious relationship with your past significant other is viable after a breakup. You just need to be tactful about the split.
The Breakup Toolkit: How to Get over the Initial Shock of a Breakup
October 4th, 2011
Crush. That’s the sound of the heart of someone who’s just committed a breakup. Within the first 24 hours, the person who initiated the breakup may be tempted to call, text, e-mail or serenade a former partner in the hopes of getting back together. And in a fortnight from the relationship’s expiry date, the person who has been broken up with may attempt to woo a former partner into exasperated submission. It takes a great deal of strength to actually go through with a breakup, but it can be done.
Many people wonder how it is possible to put aside all the emotions after a breakup – attachment, hurt, regret – that make them wish they were back with their sweeties. Many people even doubt their decisions to break up with their significant others when they have done so for all the right reasons. Anyone is capable, however, of putting their phones aside for a day or three and resisting all contact with their ex-flames after that. Positive thinking usually does the trick. But how can one put the negative emotions away for long enough to let their positive thoughts sink in?
One should:
• lock the phone away. That’s right. Freshly broken up people should keep their cell phones out of sight and landlines out of reach, if they have memorized their honey’s numbers. Breakupees and breakeruppers may use their computers if they have no other forms of entertainment, but if it is possible to put these gadgets away, it would be highly beneficial to do so.
• do his or her favourite things. If one and a partner who have parted from one another are feeling plagued by the event, these tormented souls should partake in their favourite activities – individually, that is. Similarly, newly single people’s distracting themselves – by watching movies, completing work, finishing homework, going out and the like – may allow their melancholy states to sweep over them and positive thoughts to pour into their minds.
• halt the negative thoughts when they begin. When a person who has just exited a romance begins to think negatively, he or she should begin a positive thought process to replace the unpleasant thoughts. Yes, there is hope for one’s dating life. No, not all people make untrustworthy, deceitful, neglectful partners. Once one realizes these two latter statements, he or she will be unlikely to return to a former other half, begging, tears flowing.
• think about the negatives of being with a particular person. These are not “ex cons” in the term’s popular context, though it would make the breakup so much easier if they were. When one thinks about all the things he or she despises about an ex, feelings for said ex may dissolve quickly.
• remind oneself that he or she has self-respect. Most people break up with a lover due to poor treatment, and when this is the case, the first step to one’s being strong through an emotionally messy breakup is to remind oneself that he or she deserves better. But for this technique to work, one may need to reinforce the fact that he or she will find better. It is not just a myth.
Breakups do not need to have newbie singles plotting how to win over their 24-hours-ago-sweeties with Hollywood acts of romance. Strength is mental. It can be gained by heartbroken singles’ boycotting texting for a while, reminding themselves of their worth, replacing hopelessness with happy thoughts, compiling lists of “ex cons” and distracting themselves with amusing activities. Though it may sound harder than it is, breakups are possible without tears and vengeance.
Delectable Drink Date: Dining Indoors
September 18th, 2011
Want the equivalent of a club date without all the expenses of parking, coat check, gas and a new outfit? Seeking that fun date idea that won’t have you facing any lineups in the chilly air outside? Want to see your friends and sweetheart without any noise, crowds or sweat involved? Your drinking at home with your pals and romantic companion is just the way do so. But how can you enjoy yourself as much on such a night equally or more so than during a night in the city? You will find the answer in such an event’s versatility – mix drinks to create flavours your taste buds will recognize, create your own mixed drink, play drinking games, play regular games like “Truth or Dare” while sipping on some liquor or – if you’re feeling low-energy – watch television or play board games while downing shots.
One benefit to a drink date at home is that you get to create drinks in flavours you enjoy. Similarly, you could customize a drink to reflect your personality. For instance, if you’re a wildcard, add many, different flavours to your drink – such as banana, chocolate, mango, kiwi and just a touch of vanilla icecream – then blend, and a bit of liquor. In addition, you could impress a love interest by mixing a drink with flavours that s/he enjoys. You could make smoothies and then add alcohol to them or simply mix juice – or milk – with vodka, Kahlua or rum. If you’re concerned about finances, you could always mix each drink with the same, one alcoholic beverage.
Your playing drinking games is a good way to get your guests excited. Not only will you have more fun than sitting on the couch, but you and your guests will also remain amused by doing outlandish things or simply using your energies toward a game’s goal. If you and your social circle enjoy chuckling and using your intellect, you may enjoy King’s Cup. You could also look up other, entertaining drinking games using a search engine
What’s even more fun is your creating your own drinking games. You and your pals could give the game exciting challenges or consequences depending on the rules you create. For instance, you could create a game in which one person and the person on his or her left would be required to take a shot of vodka every time the original person said a word beginning with the letter “P.” On the other hand, you could make it so that one person and the three people to his or her left could be prohibited from drinking when the first person uses the word “like” until one other person, not in the same group, uses this same word. Your completing more passive activities, like watching a hockey game or playing Monopoly with your other half and buds, while drinking is always enjoyable, too.
Your spending a night in does not necessarily have to be boring. You can make it fun – by inviting friends and/or a date to enjoy some alcoholic beverages with you. Sip on beverages you have just concocted, well-known drinks that you enjoy, play drinking games or simply recline while gulping down fluids. Whatever you choose, you will spend unforgettable moments with friends.
