For some reason, many males possess the preconceived notion that women are attracted to men who treat them as inferiors. To me, this theory sounds like it was cooked up by a good-hearted gentleman who got turned down multiple times; only a small fraction of women like “douchebags”. The majority of us just want to meet a genuinely moral, sweet person.

While some women may be dating jerks, these men’s cruelty is most likely NOT what drew these ladies to their now-boyfriends. The fact of the matter is that most desirable men are douchebags. One’s being a douchebag, on the other hand, won’t make him/her desirable. Most well-intentioned, honest males are usually not as attractive as many women would like them to be. Moreover, many trustworthy men may be lacking the personality that their romantic flames need in order to remain entertained. However, that is not to say that all “good guys” are boring or unattractive. There are a rare few who are both physically appealing and amusing. However, no one knows at first glance whether someone is reliable, humorous, or kind – normally, good looks and/or an outgoing personality are what grab one’s attention. Thus, women do not seek “douchebags”; a large fraction of them simply have the wrong priorities.

Here are some behaviours that “douchebags” display of which numerous females are fond:

-They aren’t clingy. As much as we all love attention, no one wants to be smothered. Showing your lady too much affection can make her feel suffocated and possibly push her away;

-They know how to play hard-to-get. Of course, it is necessary at first to express interest in someone on whom one is crushing. However, if one is too available, one may take him/her for granted. Also, one’s asking for a commitment upon meeting is a bit much and enough to send someone packing; and

-They are socially adept. Many good guys lack the quality of knowing how to network and socialize, because many were alienated in their younger years. Thus, they are more likely to behave awkwardly in social situations. This means they be hesitant to approach an interesting female, or they may share embarrassing/unnecessary details that will turn her off.

Thus, perhaps more women would gravitate towards the good-natured male if many of them just changed a few of their behaviours. After all, one’s being a decent person is what keeps a significant other around; one’s social skills are what land him/her dates. Therefore, most women aren’t fans of douchebag qualities; it is merely a coincidence that many of the more sociable men happen to be unreliable and disrespectful.

All our lives we’ve been taught to stay away from people who could hurt us. “Don’t talk to strangers,” we were told. “Don’t take someone back who cheats on you,” was also a piece of advice that’s been hard-wired into our heads.

But what if the latter instructions were ones that we didn’t necessarily want to follow? What if they were directions that we didn’t completely believe in?

Over the past few years, I’ve encountered many males who openly cheat on their girlfriends. My being a serious person allowed this to frustrate me, as would be the effect on most people. Moreover, many of the males I was interested in were seeking open relationships, so I lost hope for ever developing anything serious. ‘What has humanity become?’ I thought. However, the fact of the matter is that most people are untrustworthy. Does this mean that one should deprive him-/herself of romantic company until s/he finds someone reliable? No. Finding the right person takes time, and one most likely won’t find him/her until s/he’s almost thirty, an age where most people have matured and are looking to commit.

However, that doesn’t mean that one should live a lonely, depressing existence for decades. Maybe we would all fare better if we had fun in our relationships while we were young, and left the analysis for more serious relationships later on in life. We’d be less stressed – one’s having company automatically puts him/her in a better mood, if the company is agreeable of course. Moreover, we’d develop dating experience that would serve us for the better in more serious relationships down the road.

Thus, maybe one should be a little more lenient on the person who betrays him/her… for the time being. If the right person comes along, one should not hesitate to snatch him/her up and have an exclusive relationship. But while one is in romantic limbo, maybe s/he should be less hesitant to accept the idea of a fling or an inclusive relationship.

On the other hand, the aforementioned partnerships have some drawbacks: they require one to have low expectations for his/her partner and to rewire one’s brain so that s/he does not get attached. Therefore, if one believes s/he is incapable of forgiving a straying partner or of not being exclusive with a love interest, then that person should forego the idea altogether. However, we’d all do well to stress less over relationships during our youth, and worry more about betrayals of loyalty in romances that may lead to marriage.

Just some of the remedies for a heart that needs repairing are:

- Moping. Taking a day to oneself to watch sappy movies, cry, and devour a mini tub of ice cream is not only therapeutic, it is beneficial. This method allows one to release all of his/her emotions and partake in an enjoyable activity at the same time.
- Spending time with friends. Once one has had time to let out all his/her sadness, the next step is to leave one’s house more often or to surround oneself with good company. Doing enjoyable things is not only amusing, it helps one feel happier.
- Resuming life as usual. Following one’s regular routine will not only help him or her to regain strength, it will distract from the miserable event that has occurred.
- Keeping a journal. Writing down the way one is feeling will provide an outlet for one’s melancholy while allowing him/her to stay focussed during tasks that require one’s undivided attention.
- Creating a “con” list. Making a list of all the characteristics one is not particularly fond of about his or her former significant other will make it easier for him/her to not coexist with this person anymore.
- Imagining his/her ideal mate. By creating a list of the qualities one wants his/her dream man or woman to possess, s/he will have hope for his/her dating future.

One important thing to remember when recovering from a breakup is to tell as many close friends as possible about the way you feel – it will help you unleash emotion, and if they’re good friends, they will console you. Good times are always bound to cheer one up. Laughing and surrounding oneself with people that care about him/her is a good way to lessen the sadness. The ideal hang-out spot to mend a broken heart most likely is a comedy club in that regard.

Most importantly, never let a breakup affect your self-esteem. Sometimes lovers part due to mistakes – on either end – and sometimes they separate because they just weren’t the right match. In either case, there is no reason to worry; errors can be learnt from and prevented from reoccurring, and finding someone with whom one clicks happens eventually.

Even though parting from a former love is tough, one eventually moves on. There is no need to dwell. Happiness is on its way.

When one completes tasks quickly and efficiently, he or she has more free time than someone who dilly-dallies while performing a duty. Thus, one focussing while at work or doing chores can aid him or her in finding a vacant timeslot for a significant other.

Creating an itinerary is also a way to free up some time. When one plans specific timeslots to complete his or her responsibilities, he or she can make room for some romance.

Moreover, going to bed early and waking accordingly can aid one in gaining more leisure time. Doing so allows one to complete his or her regular errands early, freeing up some time later on in the day for some fun. On the other hand, for some, it may not be realistic to wake up early all the time – everyone needs a day or two to sleep in, whether they have partied the night before or they are simply in need of some rest. Thus, rising and setting with the sun may be incorporated into one’s routine on most days, but not all.

While making time can be achieved by numerous people, even many busy ones, this option may not exist for all people. Some may be so overwhelmed with responsibilities, work, extracurricular activities, family, and/or friends that there really is no time to court a new partner. Such an existence may be lonely, but it is one that they have chosen.

Image courtesy of Diezel Photography (www.DiezelPhotography.com)

Don’t you just love it when you’re completely joyful with a significant other, whom you’ve been dating for a while, and then they state the most awful opinion you’ve ever heard? It’s not the fact that the two of you have contrasting perspectives that upsets you, it’s something else; something in the heart of their argument hints at your lover’s very nature. For instance, a couple could be convinced that they are meant for each other, but it turns out that one disregards animals’ rights, while the other supports them. This issue may seem trivial at first, but the animals’ rights activist may be bothered by her other half’s indifference towards something which she values greatly. Also, she may wonder if her mate is selfish and cold by nature.

Such clashes could be fatal to a relationship, but not all of them are. Obviously a pair is not going to agree on all things. The key is determining what differences you can tolerate, and what differences you find unacceptable. Differences in morals or values can inspire one to part from a partner, but insignificant details can actually make a relationship more exciting. For instance, having different interests can actually spice up a companionship; one may be more inclined to partake in new activities which they may find exciting, or being different from each other may create an attraction between a duo.

The moral here is not to let an unexpected outburst stir you to action – at least, not immediately. One must weigh the pros and cons of being with a lover before ending a romance with him or her. However, if a clash in beliefs or values is really upsetting to someone, then perhaps this difference makes ending a relationship worthwhile. After all, there are other people in the world who will share your morals, allowing you to connect on a deeper level. In addition, if you choose to have children with this person in the future, you will most likely agree on most aspects of how to raise your kids. For example, you may want to instil particular ethical standards in them, and discipline them a certain way. This is part of what makes discovering a partner who is compatible with oneself essential to a healthy relationship.

THE BOOK – All Your Juiciest Stories

It all started with a book! Back in 2004 my girl Carissa started collecting stories from women across North America about the men in and
out of their lives. After only a matter of weeks, hundreds of stories had been submitted and Carissa’s lovely face was seen in papers and on
televisions all over Canada! Buy the book online!  What can I say girls, IT WAS A HIT! With a 500+ person launch party and
a couple thousand copies of The Book sold within weeks of its release,
Stories From Our Black Books was born!

The Book is a compilation of the juiciest, the most moving, the funniest
and the most influential stories that you’ve submitted!  Our new version
of The Book is scheduled to launch February 14th, 2010, you don’t want
to miss getting your copy.  We are still collecting stories now! Don’t
hesitate! Click on My Black Book and start submitting your stories
today! They may just be part of the next edition.

Flirt With Me – Submit a Story! www.storiesfromourblackbooks.com.

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Here’s more information about the book party release:

We have a great party that’s upcoming that can give you a great opportunity to put some sparkle back into your dating life!

TorontoSpeedDate.com on February 11th is hosting a pre-Valentines bash in the downtown core.

Event: Pre- Valentines day bash

Where: Dazzling Restaurant 291 King Street West, Toronto Ontario

When: Feb 11th Ages 22-35 All proceeds will be going to support the Haitian Relief effort. You can expect great people, a good time, and a chance to win some prizes!

Go to TorontoSpeedDate.com to register now! Feb 11th is only a couple days away!

Although it is true that one can make any day special for their sweetheart, the approach of Valentine’s Day just holds so much excitement! Here are some tips to make this Valentine’s day (or any day, that is) memorable:

• Surprise your other half. Plan something thoughtful, whether it’s a romantic fantasy they’ve mentioned, or simply something spontaneous. An evening full of romance, out or in, or a getaway weekend for two are just some examples.
• Do something out of the ordinary. If the two of you are used to a routine, break out of it. Try pampering each other. Giving each other massages with oil or feeding each other fruit dipped in chocolate are just some ideas.
• Let your significant other know they’re appreciated. One can do this by writing a meaningful card or letter for their mate. (To add a surprise effect, place the love note somewhere they are guaranteed to look, and have them find it. It makes the gesture even more sweet.)

Remember that gifts on Valentine’s Day are not necessary to show your love for another. However, if one or the two of you feel like giving gifts, remember that presents don’t have to be expensive to be heartfelt. A simple box of chocolates often suffices; something home-made or something thoughtful are also good options.

My Recommendations:

-Frankie Tomatto’s – this place has exquisite dining for an inexpensive cost. Not only is the food tasty, the atmosphere is intimate and cozy – a perfect place for a romantic date.
7225 Woodbine Avenue
Markham, ON L3R
(905) 940-1900
www.FrankieTomatto.com

Café Cache
-This adorable little café serves both delectable desserts and scrumptious meals. This is a great place to indulge in mouth-watering foods and make memories with your lover.
255 Bass Pro Mills Drive
Vaughan, ON L4K
(905) 738-9198
www.CafeCache.ca

Home
Some may think that a duo cannot have an enjoyable time at home, but I beg to differ. Each other’s company is what’s most important. If a couple cares to do something entertaining indoors, there are many options available; these include back rubs, baking decadent treats, playing trivia games, ordering in food or making food for each other, painting, and so on. Not to mention, this option is the least costly and most intimate setting.

‘Hope these tips bring some spark to your Valentine’s Day and/or overall lovelife!

Beat the cold with a spectacular fire installation, gravity-defying aerial dance performances, ice sculptures and themed skating parties.”

Whether it’s because you moved to a new city, just went through a recent divorce, or perhaps lost a partner to death or separation; being alone during the holidays can make you feel isolated and downright lonely.

Part of the reason is that the holidays conjure up memories of family celebrating with special dinners, shopping for loved ones and decorating with warm lights and seasonal adornments.  There is a certain togetherness that is associated with the holiday season.  Commercials portray happy couples and families opening gifts.  The holidays are a time for love.

So aside from crying all day and wallowing in a pitcher of alcohol, or succumbing to self-destructive behaviors, what can a person do to avoid the inevitable feeling of loneliness and despair?  If this applies to you, here are several productive suggestions:

1. Volunteer – By donating your time at a service worthy of helping those less fortunate, you will create an altruistic feeling that your time is worthwhile and appreciated.  Not only will volunteering give you a chance to surround yourself with people, you may find solace in the fact that there are so many others who are worse off and feel good knowing you made a difference.
2. Accept Invitations – Unless you have just moved to a new city, you may have co-workers or friends who invite you to functions, especially if they know that you may be spending the holidays alone.  Rather than feeling like an imposition, try to put your best foot forward and attend every chance you can to be in good company with people who do care about you.
3. Adopt a Pet – Dogs and cats can bring much joy and comfort to someone who is alone. They give you a sense of companionship and will be there for you even when it seems like no one else is.
4. Join a Group – Especially if you’re in a new city, it may behoove you to search for groups who enjoy doing things you like to do.  From salsa dancing to art class and every type of hobby, the chances of finding like-minded people to hang with are even better if you make that first brave step to sign up and put yourself out there.
5. Meet Someone Online – Even if you’re newly single, it could be fun to seek companionship during the holidays for a fresh new start.  You can go on a date with someone or just meet a new friend on a high quality dating site such as eligon.ca; a match service meant for professional singles to meet and mingle.  Why spend the holidays alone when at the very least, you can make a new friend or have a romantic time with someone?  You never know, it could lead to a blossoming new relationship!

Whatever you do… don’t mope around, cry or be depressed during the holidays when there are so many opportunities out there to surround yourself with people.  Be open to the possibilities of new friendships in your life!